Valuable Relationships

Once you are matched with your Little; you may be thinking what comes next and how fast will it happen?

As every experienced Big will tell you, the friendship takes time to develop. It is a different experience for every Big and Little, and no doubt your friendship will be unique.

However, there are some common stages that most match friendships will go through at different times, usually depending on the level of trust that has been established.

Honeymoon Stage

From the first meeting to approximately the fourth month.

What does this stage look like?

• You both are trying to figure out each other.
• Littles may try to get their Bigs' approval or impress them.

What can you do to move it along?

• Without prying, learn facts about your Little and reference them in your conversations: e.g. favorite things, best friend, where they've traveled.
• Be consistent and flexible, do what you say you are going to do.
• Be patient and remember that relationships have ups and downs, and don't "happen" by themselves.

Growth Stage

From approximately the fourth month to one year.

What does this stage look like?

• This is the most crucial time – perhaps a turning point - regarding the development of the Big/Little relationship.
• It is common, around month four, that your Little will begin testing you to see what you are really about and how much he/she can get away with.
• Your Little may be observing you to find a reason not to trust you.

What can you do to move it along?

• Show your Little that he can trust you, through your reliability, consistency, and time together. As trust develops, your Little will probably begin sharing bits of information here and there with you.
• Keep in close contact with your Support Specialist for ideas.
• Recognize and praise accomplishments.
• If you need to give advice or address behavior problems, give reasons; avoid "shoulds".

Maturity Stage

This stage begins somewhere around the one-year anniversary date.

What does this stage look like?

• You will notice your relationship with your Little has become more positive and realistic and match activities are less structured.
• Most Bigs have shed their preconceived notions regarding the match and their Little.
• As the friendship matures, you will see the maturity of your Little as he/she grows and develops.

What can you do to move it along?

• Develop long term shared interests, activities that you will do frequently together and that you both enjoy.
• Identify past shared experiences and enjoy shared "jokes".
• Learn something new to both of you, together.

<< Back  Next >>