Ask Dr. Jordan...

We know that building a strong trusting relationship with your Little will take time and patience. Many volunteers face similar challenges and roadblocks when getting to know their Little. In an effort to help you build a stronger relationship with your Little we have elicited help from Dr. Jordan, a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician. Every quarter, we will highlight a common match concern and give you professional feedback from the desk of Dr. Jordan.

Meet Dr. Jordan

Tim Jordan,M.D.,  is a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician, an international speaker and an author. Dr. Jordan is dedicated and passionate about serving children whether it is in his private practice counseling children, teenagers and parents; speaking to businesses and organizations; teaching weekend retreats or hosting his own radio show called "Families First". He also runs personal growth weekend retreats and summer camps for kids and teens called Camp Weloki. He enjoys the diversity of his work and aims to be a national spokesperson for children in our country. On top of all that, he is an outstanding supporter of Big Brothers Big Sisters serving on our Board for 6 years and previously volunteering his time as a Big Brother. For more information on his practice, click on http://www.weloki.com.

Dear Dr. Jordan,
I just learned that my Little is really struggling in school. It is really frustrating because his mother told me he is not turning in his homework. Whenever I ask him about school, he says he is doing really well. I want to make sure he knows the importance of education but I don’t know how to bring it up. What should I do?

Dear Big,
There are so many reasons why your Little is struggling in school: learning issues, home issues, poor teacher fit, trouble with friendships that spills over into academics, a belief system that says he/she can't or isn't capable, has been behind before and it has compounded etc.....Your Little might feel embarrassed or ashamed by his/her grades and struggles and thus may find it hard to talk about. They might feel that you have higher expectations of them and therefore may feel they are disappointing you. They may be getting hassled every day by parents and teachers and thus have become adult deaf or discouraged and thus have shut down about the issue.

You might want to see your role a little differently when it comes to your Little's academics. I'd stay out of the parental role and be more like a grandparent, where you come across as caring more about them than their report card. If they sense that you are judging them negatively, they won't feel safe to talk to you about how they feel about school and their challenges. Let them know you understand how tough school must be for them, and relate any stories from your past where you have struggled in school or life so that they know that you REALLY DO understand and can relate to their problem. Take them on outings that are fun but also educational. Talk to them about their future and what they want in life. Read to and with them. Look for opportunities to acknowledge them for any achievement even if it's not academic to help them internalize that they ARE capable and competent. Be a great, non-critical and non-judgmental listener as a way to get them to be more real and honest and forthcoming with you. And for sure let them know with your words and actions that your feelings about them and friendship with them is not based on their school achievements. You can see past their current struggles and see the real kid inside of them who has lots to offer the world despite any current problems. Keep a high vision for them now and for their future at a time when they can't so it for themselves. That is a huge gift you can give to your Little.

We love your feedback!  Are you a Little, Parent, or Big Volunteer? Please contact us if you have comments, questions, or other ideas regarding this topic. Please be aware that all responses will not be posted. Responses that are not posted will be answered by your Match Support Specialist.