Dear Dr. Jordan,
My Little tends to ask me to buy things when we spend time together. I try to say no, but sometimes it is really hard when I know that she doesn’t have a lot at home and it’s not a big ticket item. Sometimes I find myself feeling hurt or struggling with what my role is in the relationship. How do I say no without hurting her feelings? Is it okay for me to buy things for her from time to time? The holiday season is around the corner, and I want to buy her a gift but I’m not sure if that is sending the wrong message. Thanks for your feedback!

Dear Big,
In regards to the question about should you as a Big give presents to your Little, I am reminded of a quote by Jesse Jackson: "children need your presence more than they need your presents." I know you all know that, but it's nice to be reminded that the time that you give to your Little(s) is priceless and won't be forgotten. I think it would be good to establish early on in your relationship that your friendship with them is not going to be about buying things, but instead about getting to know each other and being there for each other. I also think that for a special occasion like a birthday or the holidays, surprising a Little with a gift would be fun and okay. Remember too that gifts come in many different packages...pardon the pun. It could be a gift of special time, a service you do for them or with them, something homemade that expresses how special they are to you, or something you do or build or make together. But make it an unconditional gift that is a bonus vs. an expectation.

Keep reminding yourself that you spending one-on-one time with them is such an invaluable gift; it tells Littles that they are loved, special and deserving of your time and love. Sending surprise emails, letters or phone calls lets them know that you are thinking about them. Being a loyal friend to them at a vulnerable time in their lives when they are in need of a true friend is the greatest gift they could ever want or need. Let me leave you with the final stanza of a poem I heard once called "Give Him a Day." GAMES ARE OUTGROWN, AND TOYS WILL DECAY, BUT HE'LL NEVER FORGET IF YOU GIVE HIM A DAY.

Warmest wishes, Tim Jordan M.D.

Tim Jordan,M.D.,  is a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician, an international speaker and an author. Dr. Jordan is dedicated and passionate about serving children whether it is in his private practice counseling children, teenagers and parents; speaking to businesses and organizations; teaching weekend retreats or hosting his own radio show called "Families First". He also runs personal growth weekend retreats and summer camps for kids and teens called Camp Weloki. He enjoys the diversity of his work and aims to be a national spokesperson for children in our country. On top of all that, he is an outstanding supporter of Big Brothers Big Sisters serving on our Board for 6 years and previously volunteering his time as a Big Brother. For more information on his practice, click on http://www.weloki.com.